


This Addiction

by bxdhabits



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bxdhabits/pseuds/bxdhabits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Miles loves Alex. Alex loves alcohol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I thought I'd have a bash at a fanfic and this is what my brain came up with. I hope you enjoy!

“You promised.”

Miles had flinched when he heard the front door swing open, he could tell by the thud it made against the door that whoever had opened it had used more force than necessary. He also knew exactly who had opened door even before Alex had stumbled into the bedroom they shared, his once white shirt was stained with wine and his perfectly gelled hair whipping his eyes in fallen strands.  
“Promised what?” Alex looked confused, his jaw was slack and he had little control of his legs; he was stumbling around the room, trying to kick off his shoes but failing miserably. He tripped onto the bed Miles was laying on with a thud and giggled like a child at his sudden change of position. He smelt of sweat and cigarettes and weed and alcohol, it wasn’t the smell Miles had fallen in love with.  
“You fucking promised, Al,” Miles wasn’t even sure what he had been expecting. This was always the case when Alex went out, day or night, partying or clubbing, he always came back completely fucked. 

He had resorted to acting like a child, trying to sneak out when Miles wasn’t looking to go and get drunk, making Miles feel more like his warden than his boyfriend. Miles had caught him that evening, trying to climb out of their living room window. Alex had looked beautiful; his white shirt was ironed and showed off his chest and torso, his black jeans tight in all the right places and his hair toyed into a perfect quiff. Miles couldn’t be mad at him when he looked like that, he just placed his head on Alex’s beautifully smelling chest and begged him to not drink.  
“You don’t need it, Al, you don’t need it to have a good time,” Miles had mumbled into Alex’s shirt.  
“Miles, its Matt’s birthday,” Alex had responded calmly, running his fingers through Mile’s bristles, “I’ve got to have at least one drink, babe.”  
“Please Alex, please don’t get smashed, you don’t have fun when you’re smashed. You just pass out and feel like shit the next day.”  
“You really hate me like that, don’t you?” Alex whispered, Miles’ grip tightened on him and he nodded meekly, “I know, Mi, I hate doing it to you. You know I do.”  
“Just have a couple of drinks then,” Miles sighed, “For me?”  
Alex eased Miles off of his chest and pulled him in to a deep kiss, the kind of kiss that melted Miles to fit perfectly into Alex’s body, “Anything for you. I promise,” Alex smiled away from the kiss.  
“I love you, thank you.”  
“I love you too, see you later.”

Miles always believed Alex when he promised to stay sober, always. He couldn’t help it, he had fallen in love with Alex’s boyish charm, his cheeky grin and manic laugh. He liked to believe that Alex didn’t use these factors to manipulate him, that he always tried to stay away from the alcohol but temptation just got the better of him. For all Miles knew though, Alex could be lying from the start and just be desperate to get away from his judging gaze. To be with his true love: alcohol.  
“You said you weren’t gonna get fucked, you said a couple of drinks,” Miles said sternly, as Alex tried (and failed miserably) to unbutton his shirt.  
“I only had a coupl’a drinks!” Alex slurred, his voice loud and childish. He prodded Miles in the ribs and laughed too hard when Miles flinched backwards, “I am a man of my word, Miles.”

Miles sighed, he couldn’t stand seeing the man he loved reduced to a drunken wreck. He just didn’t understand why Alex had to do this to himself, day in day out. Why Alex’s life had to revolve around where the next drink was coming from and not Miles. Why Alex loved drinking whiskey and vodka and wine straight from the bottle more than he loved being with him. Why Miles loved this man too much to walk away and let him rot in the lifestyle he had chosen.

Alex lolled his head on Miles’ shoulder, sucking lazily on his collarbone and making little moaning noises, but Miles refused to respond.  
“Please stop doing this to me, Alex,” He said shakily. Alex either ignored him or was too drunk to hear, he moved his lips up Miles’ neck and attempted to run his hands over his chest, “I love you so much. So much. Why can’t you love me enough to stop this madness, eh? I’d take a fucking bullet for you, you know, and you can’t even put down a bottle for me. I miss you, baby, I need the old you back.”

He became aware that tears were rolling down his cheeks and dropping into Alex’s mop of hair and wiped his face furiously. Alex was motionless, and Miles felt a sudden lift in his chest, praying that his pleading and begging had maybe gotten through to the younger man. But then Alex began snoring, he had become limp on top of Miles, fast asleep.  
“For fucks sake, Al,” Miles sighed shakily, “The one fucking time I have the balls to say anything to you…” He gently lifted Alex’s tiny body off of him and onto his side of the bed. He unbuttoned Alex’s wine stained shirt and removed his now dirty jeans, leaving him in his underwear. Alex whimpered at the sudden cold hitting his naked body but didn’t stir; Miles wrapped him up in their blanket and pulled Alex’s head on top of his chest, making the shivering stop, he stroked the long strands of hair off of Alex’s striking face.

Miles couldn’t sleep that night, instead he listened desperately to Alex’s snores and made sure he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit. He felt more like Alex’s parent than his lover, he had felt like that for a long time. But he couldn’t leave him. That isn’t what love is.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I literally cannot write Milex unless they suffer and I'm sorry for that (but also not sorry).  
> I am using italics to represent flashbacks/the past also

_Three years ago, Miles had been free. Always up for a laugh, a drink with his mates, a spontaneous holiday to Amsterdam – anything. It had been one of those nights, where he hadn’t been expecting anything to happen but Matthew Helders had had other plans. Miles had received a text from him all in capitals: IT’S FUCKING KICKING OFF AT LEVELS. WHERE ARE YOU? Miles had smiled, Levels was the club of choice for him and his friends; three floors of different genres of music and cheap drinks, it had never failed them. So Miles changed into white jeans and a loud shirt and rushed off to join in on the fun._

_He spotted Matt and Jamie and Nick across the dancefloor and ran up to them, welcomed by cheers and a shot placed into his hand. They had a great night too, dancing like complete idiots and knocking back drink after drink. They were young and careless and happy and that’s all that had mattered to Miles. It was on his sixth of seventh trip to the bar that he had knocked into a small mop of chestnut coloured hair, causing several blue coloured shots to spill over their tight white T-shirt._

_“Oh shit!” Miles cursed, “Sorry mate, I”_

_The mop’s hand brushed his thick fringe off of his forehead, revealing the most beautiful face Miles had ever seen. The stranger’s elfin face looked up at Miles with doe-like eyes, his jawline looked as though it could cut glass and his lips were full and crimson coloured. Miles couldn’t utter out the rest of his sentence, he was in awe of this man._

_“Oh, its okay,” The stranger replied coolly, “Was an honest mistake, mate, don’t worry.”_

_“I’ve bloody ruined your t-shirt though!” Miles exclaimed, “At least let me buy you another shot or something, to say sorry.”_

_“Yeah, alright,” The stranger had replied slowly, he gave Miles a boyish grin, “I think I’d like that…”_

_“Miles,” Miles responded to the pause, “I’m Miles.”_

_“Alex,” Alex stuck out his hand and Miles felt pure electricity as he shook it, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”_

 

Miles woke up with a jolt to the sound of grotesque vomiting coming from the toilet next to their bedroom. He grimaced at the noise of the love of his life spewing up his insides and the splash it was making into the toilet, but didn’t move to help Alex get it all out. This is how he showed Alex he was angry, not by yelling at him, not by hurling abuse his way even though he deserved it; Miles would just sit and watch Alex struggle to get over his hangover, hoping he might learn something.

 

Alex staggered back into the bedroom, his face a shiny white colour and his hair caked in grease and sweat. He attempted a feeble smile at Miles but didn’t receive one back, instead Miles simply popped a cigarette in his mouth and lit up, sighing out the smoke with a hint of relief. Alex snuck back into bed and curled up into a foetal position facing Miles, his long fingers glided down Miles exposed ribs with affection. Miles was melting on the inside at Alex’s graceful touch, it took every muscle in his body to remain strong and not respond to his boyfriend’s elegant soothing.

 

“Are you mad at me?” Alex whispered hoarsely, his breath was absolutely disgusting, a mix of vodka and vomit that made Miles reel away from his touch.

“Just tell me the truth, Alex,” Miles said tightly, taking a long drag on his cigarette, “How much did you drink last night?”

Alex grabbed his pillow from under his head and pressed his face into it, like a child who had just been caught something they shouldn’t be doing, “Miles, you have to believe me, it did only start with a few drinks…”

“It always fucking starts with ‘a few drinks’ Alex,” Miles didn’t look in his direction.

“It was Matt’s _birthday_ ,” Alex protested sullenly, “I can’t go to my best friends fucking birthday and not have a drink, Mi, it’d look rude.”

“No, do you know what’s rude?” Miles voice raised as he stubbed out his cigarette, “Breaking promises is fucking rude Alex. And you do it all the time.”

“When did you get so fucking boring, Miles?” Alex groaned, throwing the pillow off of his face, “So what if I get drunk every now and then? I’m twenty fucking five and I went to a party, big fucking deal!”

The sting from Alex’s words hit Miles like a fucking rock, “Boring? Boring, Alex? I got boring when my life revolved around fucking looking after you! Making sure you don’t pass out in your own vomit or get hit by a car because you’re so drunk you can’t even see. I can’t have fun because I’m so fucking worried about you!” He was aware his voice was wobbling violently but he refused to let it weaken him.

Alex was silent for a few minutes, letting the harsh air settle around the couple. He sat up suddenly and clutched his head, the hangover hitting him hard, “Nobody fucking asked you to look after me, Miles. If you can’t handle it then fucking leave, because I’m not the one with the problem here. You’ve got a problem with me. _Your_ problem,” Alex threw the covers off of himself and stalked out of the bedroom, slamming the door.

 

Miles couldn’t help but burst into tears. He couldn’t remember when Alex had gotten so mean and careless when it came to him, but he honestly didn’t seem to care how much he hurt Miles as long as he got his way. Alex knew Miles wouldn’t up and leave him, knew that he could never ever leave him, and he used it whenever Miles dared bring up his vices. Was he scared of Alex? The realisation made Miles sob harder, Alex had never raised a hand to him, and Miles knew he didn’t have it in him. But this was worse, watching Alex hurt himself hurt more than anything Alex could ever do to Miles.

 

Alex reached the bottom of the stairs and punched the wall in the hallway. ‘Why did you have to be such a dick head?’ he asked himself as his hand pulsed with pain. He couldn’t stand it when Miles shouted at him, seeing his love’s face contorted with anger and his cheeks scarlet with fury. It made Alex feel very small and very guilty, and he couldn’t stand feeling that way. Alex reached the kitchen, raking a shaking hand through his greasy hair; he was aware that he looked appalling, stood there in his underwear, smelling disgusting and in desperate need of a shower, but that could wait.

 

Alex scanned the kitchen rapidly, he knew all of Miles’ hiding places for bottles of wine, and he had turned the place upside down a year or so ago like a kid looking for Christmas presents. He shakenly stood on one of the kitchen counters and stretched his arm as far as it would go to the back of a particular cupboard, his fingers only just grasping the neck of a wine bottle. Alex couldn’t help but smile as he jumped back down to the floor, his prize in his hand.

 

Miles found Alex sprawled on the sofa, still in his underwear with a half empty bottle of wine in hand.

“Seriously?” Miles said, sitting next to his boyfriend. He was fully dressed and showered now, ready to start his day. He knew he should be mad, appalled that Alex had begun drinking even after the harsh words they had just exchanged, but wine made Alex calm, and if he had to drink Miles rather it be this.

Alex shrugged, he shuffled up the sofa towards Miles timidly and lay his head on his lap, “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“I know.”

“I just…”

“I know.”

There was silence for a little while, Alex had been watching Spongebob Squarepants before Miles had come down and he looked as though he was absorbed by it once more.

 

It was things like these that had made Miles fall head over heels with the smaller man; the way that cartoons still fascinated him, the way thunderstorms made him excited and the way he simply couldn’t eat a meal without spilling half of it onto himself. But despite his childlike traits, Alex could be the man Miles needed. Alex could hold Miles against the wall and fuck him like an animal, but Miles would feel safe in his arms. Alex could blow Miles so slowly and teasingly that Miles had to beg him like a whore to make him suck faster. Alex held Miles’ universe in his hands and Miles loved him for it.

 

Alex’s shoulders started shaking abruptly on top of Miles’ legs and soft little sobs escaped his mouth.

“Hey, Al, no it’s okay,” Miles lifted the crying man onto his lap with ease and rubbed his back.

“It isn’t though,” Alex gasped, “I keep fucking up and lying and hurting you. It isn’t fair.”

“You don’t mean to,” Miles shushed his love, resting his chin on his head, “I know you don’t mean to.”

“I love you, Miles,” Alex whispered, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Miles felt something in his chest drop suddenly. This was it. This was his chance.

“Then please…please stop drinking, Alex,” He said so quietly he wasn’t even sure Alex would hear him over his sobbing.

 

Alex lifted his head off of Miles’ chest and looked at him. He took in Mile’s well-kept stubble that surrounded his thin lips, his adorable bristly head that suited him a lot more than the mop he used to have, his perfect fashion sense and clean smell. Alex was with the most stunning man on the Earth and he was killing him slowly but surely.

“Yeah,” Alex nodded feebly, “Yeah, I will, Mi.”

Alex’s response was met by Miles’ lips crashing against his, he smiled as Miles pulled him closer to his upper body and licked the corner of his mouth, allowing Miles’ tongue to intertwine with his own. Alex draped his arms around Miles’ neck, pressing one hand onto the middle of his back to ease his body closer and moaning softly as Miles responded eagerly, his hand cupping Alex’s underwear cladded arse.

 

“Your breath really is fucking awful,” Miles laughed, he cupped Alex’s reddening face, “Do you mean it, Alex? Do you really mean it?”

Alex blew his breath into Miles’ face and cackled wickedly at his boyfriend’s disgusted expression, “Yeah Miles, I really fucking mean it, I swear on my life.”

“I fucking love you, you big kid,” Miles smiled for what felt like the first time in ages and pecked Alex on the nose, “But bloody hell, let’s get you showered.”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice chapter for Alex and Miles as I feel like they deserved a little break from the misery.  
> Graphic sex scene - I am sorry (not really)

_Two and a half years ago, Alex broke a promise to Miles for the first time. And Miles had forgiven him. It was only a little thing, nothing Miles could have really got mad about, but it had always been a staple in his mind; maybe if he hadn’t of forgiven him so easily Alex wouldn’t find it so easy to hurt him. They had been in a steady relationship for about four months after a series of casual dates since their meeting in Levels, and had planned a weekend away together on the cold but beautiful British seaside._

_Miles had been almost beside himself with excitement, he could barely believe that somebody as rare and beautiful as Alex had agreed to go on one date with him, let alone promise to be his and take a holiday with him. He had even circled the date on the calendar hanging on his kitchen wall, and smiled every morning without fail when he saw the circle getting closer and closer to the current date. It was the afternoon before they were meant to set off for the coast that Miles had received a call from his boyfriend, they were still in the early stage where they jumped with excitement at the other’s name and voice, Miles had even put the Earth emoji next to his lover’s name on his mobile._

_“Hello, love,” Miles grinned down the phone._

_“Hiya,” Alex’s smooth voice responded, “Look, babe, a bit of a change of plan.”_

_Miles heart sunk in his chest at this, surely Alex couldn’t cancel on him less than twenty four hours before they were meant to set off._

_“What do you mean?” He mumbled, looking at the ground._

_“Hey don’t sound so down!” Alex laughed his sheepish laugh that always made everything okay again, “We’re still going, love, I just don’t think I can stay over tonight is all.”_

_“Oh,” Miles breathed out, smiling once more, “How come?”_

_“My friend, Rowan, he’s coming down to London from Sheffield and I haven’t seen him in ages. He wants to know if we can have a couple of drinks together tonight and catch up,” Alex paused, “I mean, I know we’re getting the train really early on but I can still make it, darling.”_

_“Alex, you goon, that’s fine!” Miles laughed, he thought it was ridiculously cute of Alex to think that he had to run this all by him, “Just promise me you’ll be here on time, okay? I’ve been really looking forward to this.”_

_“I promise, Mi,” Alex’s voice was like chocolate, “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”_

_Miles had woken up bright and early at 6am the next morning, excitement threatening to escape his chest as he double checked he had packed everything he needed. He perched on top of his suitcase, wondering whether he should call his lover; he was scared of being too overbearing, worried that Alex would see a phone call as Miles not trusting the man to be able to get up early, but at the same time he had been looking forward to this vacation for weeks and wanted everything to go smoothly. At 7:30, Miles began to worry. He only lived a fifteen minute walk from the train station, but he liked to be punctual and he liked to plan in advance, something he had noticed Alex wasn’t so great at. He finally gave in and punched Alex’s number into his phone, listening to the monotone ringing for several minutes before Alex’s voicemail message played. Miles cursed, was this going to be their first proper fight? Could Alex really be doing this to him, after they’d paid off the money for the whole getaway and travel?_

_At 8am Miles found himself stalking down the streets to Alex’s apartment, calling him every couple of minutes or so just in case Alex would pick up, apologising profoundly and telling Miles that he had simply gotten engrossed in his packing, that he would be ready any minute. But he didn’t pick up. By the time Miles reached his front door he was furious, he pounded violently on the wood constantly for three minutes at least._

_“Alex? Alex! Open the door for fucks sake!” He yelled, glancing at his watch that now read 8:34am. They were going to miss the train. Five minutes later, Alex opened the door with a stumble, his mop of dark brown hair stood at odd angles and he was wearing nothing but his underwear and an open shirt._

_“You cannot be serious,” Miles shouted at the state of his lover and Alex flinched, clutching his head._

_“Shhhh, Mi, the neighbours will hear,” Alex groaned._

_“Are you hungover?” Miles spat as Alex tried to rub the sleep off of his face._

_“No?” Alex mumbled, leaning delicately against the door frame._

_“_ Alex.”

_“Alright, yeah, maybe a bit,” Alex sighed, “S’fine though, I’ll get ready now.”_

_“There’s no fucking point now Alex!” Miles shoved his case in anger, causing to fall between the two men, “Our train leaves in 20 minutes and you haven’t even packed, have you? There’s no point.”_

_“Oh…” Alex checked the time on his phone, wincing at the numerous miss calls he had received from his boyfriend, “Miles…I”_

_“You fucking promised!” Miles growled, “You knew I’d been looking forward to this for weeks.”_

_“So had I!” Alex protested, “Miles I only meant to have a few drinks but-“_

_“But what?! Alex you’re twenty two years old, surely you can handle your booze!” Miles pressed his fingers into his closed eyes._

_“Look okay, I haven’t seen Rowan in bloody ages! Not since I moved here, I miss him alright? I just wanted to have some fun and…and hey I’m sorry,” He pulled Miles into his bare chest when he saw the look of pure disappointment on his face, “Fuck I really am sorry, Miles, I didn’t mean it.”_

_Miles sighed, in a way Alex was right he supposed, who was he to stop Alex having a good time with his friends? Did he really want to be that boyfriend?_

_“It’s alright,” Miles gave in to Alex for the first time that day, “I shouldn’t have gotten so angry.”_

 

 

In all fairness to Alex, it seemed as though he was sticking to his promise to Miles, despite it making him a very hard person to be around. Alex was sober, yes, but very irritable and reluctant to anything, from venturing out with Miles to helping him around the house. He spent the majority of his days cooped up in the study room, pouring over books with a scowl on his face and cigarette in his hand. Miles had gone to sleep before Alex and woken up after him consecutively for almost a week now, hell, he wasn’t even sure Alex was going to bed.

 

It was one of these nights that Miles woke up abruptly to something he hadn’t heard in a long time – the sound of Alex giggling infectiously. The bedroom door had been left open and a light source was visible from the direction of the study across the landing, the digital clock on the bedside table glowed 4:34am. It illuminated Miles’ favourite photo of all time; it had been captured just after Alex had taken the plunge and got his mop chopped into a 50s style quiff, which showed off all of his striking features. Miles was so taken aback by the change in his boyfriend’s appearance then he had practically fallen in love with the man all over again, and had taken a goofy selfie with Alex the same evening. Both were giving the camera a cheesy grin, but Alex’s eyes were looking at Miles with all the affection in the world rather than the lenses. It made Miles melt with pure ecstasy whenever he caught a glance of his loves expression in that photo, he couldn’t help but frame it so he could see it every day.

 

Miles padded towards the study and found Alex sat facing away from the door, he was still fully dressed and reading what looked like an old ‘Calvin and Hobbes’ comic book, laughing wildly at it.

“What are you doing?” Miles asked, smiling down at Alex who jumped at the sound of his voice.

“Mi!” Alex was still laughing, “I used to read these when I was a kid, I forgot about them but they’re so funny!”

“Alex it’s half four in the morning,” Miles couldn’t help but grin at Alex in this adorable state despite trying to sound concerned.

“Oh really?” Alex said casually, putting down his comic and swivelling on his chair to face Miles, “Why are you up then, Mi?”

“You were laughing like a toddler!”

“Yeah but have you seen this?” Alex retorted excitedly, snatching his comic book back and stabbing his finger down on a page. Miles read the comic strip quickly but didn’t find it particularly amusing, instead he was rather confused to what Alex was finding so funny. He didn’t really mind though, he hadn’t seen Alex laugh like that sober for a very long time, and the feeling of relief was washing over him.

 

“You’re adorable,” He replied, sitting on Alex’s thigh on the swivel chair and pecking him on the cheek.

“Just adorable, am I?” Alex murmured, pressing his mouth against Miles’ collarbone and making him gasp in surprise. Miles grabbed various fistfuls of Alex’s quiff whilst his mouth explored the Scouser’s throat, biting down hard at the junction where his neck and shoulder met and dragging his fingers down Miles’ exposed chest. In response Miles lifted Alex’s T-shirt over his head and collided his lips into his lover’s, their tongues intertwining slowly and causing both of them to moan further into the kiss. Alex’s hand reached the small of Miles’ back and pushed his body closer, his body slipping over Alex’s erection and causing the two men to gasp with pleasure.

“Turn around, Miles,” Alex commanded, his voice deep, “And lose the underwear.”

 

Miles did what he was told immediately, his own penis throbbing as he stood in front of Alex naked, hearing the sound of him lubricating up his fingers with his own salvia.  Alex shunted the desk chair forward slightly and grabbed the front of Miles’ right thigh with force, two of his fingers to glide up and down the back of Miles’ other way antagonising slowly, even slower when his fingers reached Miles’ arse.

“Alex,” He rasped, having to grab onto the desk in front is him in order to not lose his balance completely, “Please, baby.”

“You’re always such a good boy,” Alex purred, his damp fingers circling Miles’ opening, “Always…so polite,” His fingers slipped inside Miles’, causing him to gasp with shock.

“Shh, Miles, it’s just me baby,” Alex kissed his arse cheek, “Relax, darling,” he slipped his hand around Miles’ cock and started pumping it in time to his fingers. Miles was reduced to a sweating, shaking mess and Alex worked his magic; picking up the pace ever so slightly and exactly the right time until he reached Miles’ sweet spot and made him moan like a virgin.

“There, Alex!” Miles’ voice wavered with ecstasy, “Please baby, please just fuck me.”

Alex stood up, stroking his own cock as gave Miles a gentle shove and bending him over the table. He tapped his head on Miles’ arse teasingly, “Only because you asked me so nicely,” He breathed before sliding his cock into his lover. They both moaned uncontrollably as Alex found his rhythm, his hands grabbing hold of Miles’ hips and holding him in place over the desk. He had a habit of starting slower than he needed to, always scared of hurting his love, but it never took him long to gain confidence as pleasure took over him; soon enough his timing was getting slowly and his moaning was getting louder whilst Miles had to grab onto the table for dear life.

“Sit back down baby,” Miles managed between groans, “I want to ride you, its your turn.”

Alex staggered backwards onto the desk chair and pulled Miles on top of him, moaning his name loudly as Miles clenched around his cock. His own hand wrapped around Miles, pumping it as quickly as he was being rode.

“Mi…,” Alex groaned, sweat making his quiff stick to his forehead, “Miles, I’m gunna…”

“Cum for me, gorgeous,” He breathed back, “I wanna feel you cum.”

Alex climaxed loudly, his deep moans that dripped with Miles’ name filled the small study room and drove the Scouse over the edge as his own cum leaked over Alex’s fingers.

 

They had sat in the study until dawn that night, both naked and ruffled and sweaty. They talked and they reminisced and laughed like old friends; they made out and touched and stroked like excited teenagers. Alex had finally drifted off to sleep with his head on Miles’ head and his forearm being tickled by the older man. Miles smile was beginning to hurt his face has he carried his boyfriend bridal style into bed, but he simply couldn’t help it. Alex had promised him that alcohol was more important than Miles, and he had got his Alex back.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought Alex and Miles were happy together?  
> HAHAHAHA THINK AGAIN I WILL NEVER LET THEM BE HAPPY  
> (I'm sorry)

_Miles couldn’t remember when alcohol had swallowed Alex, if it had always been there or if something had started it; if there had ever been a trigger Alex had never mentioned anything, no traumatic childhood or life events, nothing at all._

_In the early days Miles had never seen anything wrong in Alex enjoying a drink, he had been twenty two when they met and fresh out of university, still most comfortable in the partying, student lifestyle. Alex had been a social butterfly to begin with, desperate to show off the new man in his life at every possible club and bar in London and Miles had adored it. They would knock back drinks together in unison, their laughter getting more high pitched and their hands wandering shamelessly; they would stagger back to whoever’s flat was closest whilst the sun rose and Miles had felt electric._

_But eventually, Alex didn’t need to go out to drink anymore, didn’t have the need to show Miles off as their love became routine to him. It started with a beer with lunch or half a bottle of wine as they watched TV, Miles saw this as casual. But he frowned when he noticed more bottles of liquor and spirits litter the kitchen counter, but forced himself to remember that Alex was two years younger than him and had probably still craved alcohol to have fun in certain occasions._

_Miles only truly began to worry when he noticed Alex pouring whiskey into his morning coffee, or drop a couple of shots of vodka into juice or soda on an afternoon._

_“Is that really necessary?” He had said with disbelief, “It’s two in the afternoon, Alex.”_

_But Alex had just grinned and pecked his nose playfully, “Who ruffled your feathers, eh? Its fine,” he had laughed it off every time._

_Then the mood swings started when Alex, a now twenty three year old, couldn’t drink for a couple of days for whatever reason. Miles would become irritated by his boyfriend’s sour face, his one word answers when Miles tried to converse with him, his snapping when Miles told him to lighten up._

_“Grow up, Alex,” Miles had sighed when Alex had told him to fuck off for not responding to his attempts for sex, “You’re acting like a child who’s been told they can’t have another packet of sweets.”_

_“I just feel like shit Miles,” Alex had huffed in return, flopping himself down on the bed where Miles was reading, “It’d make me feel better, babe.”_

_“Shockingly, you being an irritable bastard isn’t the biggest turn on,” Miles didn’t look up from his papers, “I have work to do you know.”_

_“Let me relieve some stress then…” Alex whispered. Miles had felt wet lips explore his thighs and a hand on his waistband._

_“No, Alex. You can’t always have what you want, I have to read these for work.”_

_“Fine!” Alex had flounced off the bed, “Have fun working, I’ll go entertain myself.”_

_He had sauntered back into the bedroom later whilst Miles had been asleep, waking him. He was laughing and joking and kissing and smiling – his old self. But he smelt strongly of whiskey, and Miles’ heart had sank._

 “I told you,” Miles found himself saying, his fingers intertwined with Alex’s as they wandered down the busy London streets.

“Huh?” Alex was wearing a light grey suit, his white shirt unbuttoned casually and his hair twisted and teased to his satisfaction; he looked radiant against the bleak British buildings and drizzly weather.

“I knew you didn’t need to drink to have a good time,” Miles himself was wearing his favourite outfit; tight, cream coloured pants with a black shirt and sleek leather jacket. Together they looked as though they were of celebrity status rather than two Northern commoners.

“I suppose you were right,” Alex offered a shy smile, “I didn’t think it was too much of a big thing, but,” he stopped to press his lips on Miles’ cheek, “You always know what’s best, darling.”

 

The pair were on their way to a particularly upscale restaurant to celebrate their four year anniversary, and – although it had not been said – to celebrate Alex being six months sober. Their relationship had gone from strength to strength in Miles’ eyes; Alex had been smiling more, doing more and loving Miles more than ever. The days of the vodka drinking, abuse yelling brat that Miles had grown accustomed to Alex being seemed like a bad dream; something that never could of properly existed, Miles thought to himself over dinner as he laughed at Alex’s humour and blushed at his charm; the feeling of being right all along about somebody had never felt so sweet in his mouth.

 

It was in during the wait between their main course of expensive steak and dessert of a light strawberry cheesecake that Alex began to feel his fingers twitching against his thigh, making his breath hitch the back of his throat. Luckily, Miles keeps talking to him – something to do someone at his work maybe – he doesn’t notice that Alex is tensing up, becoming irritated by the sound of cutlery clinking and people laughing a bit too loud; sweat was gathering in the hair that covered his temples and he tried to look as casual as possible when he attempted to rub it away.

 

‘Could Miles notice any difference? Does he think I’m acting weird? Are people staring at me? Do _they_ know?’ Alex’s racing thoughts began to pound dully onto his skull, he sipped on his water and forced a laugh when Miles paused for one, but the tasteless liquid did nothing to calm his nerves. ‘Not here’ He thought with gritted teeth; he glanced at Miles, the man’s smile hadn’t once faded all night. Alex thought about later, what Miles would expect from him and what he wanted to be in right mind set to do to him. He couldn’t do it like this – a shaking shadow of what Miles had grown to love.

 

“Miles,” Alex tried to sound light hearted, “I just need to nip to the bathroom, pet, one minute.” He didn’t wait for a response and tried to walk casually across the room, feeling a million imaginary eyes burning into the back of his blazer. He reaches the bathroom which is thankfully empty and finds himself gripping onto the sink counter with all his might; he forces himself to look at himself in the mirror and is taken aback to find himself looking rather normal, save a sweaty hairline and slight shaking. A million miles better than the battle waging in his brain, but still not good enough, not what Alex wanted.

 

His gaze fell back down to the veins threatening to break out of his clenched fists and thought of booze. He thought about it a lot, especially when Miles was sleeping and he was left to flop around the house on his own; his mind would always wander in the early hours to how easy it would be to sneak out and drink to his heart’s content, drink until the pain stopped and the warm hazy arms or alcohol held him once more. Obviously he couldn’t do that though, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hide his drunken self from his love, knowing that Miles would probably up and leave him to fend for himself if he did.

 

In Alex’s eyes, he wasn’t really breaking his promise. His hand connected with his wallet in his pocket and he sighed, knowing Miles would probably be wondering about him by now, his fingers fiddled inside the leather and caught the tiny plastic bag. Alex brought the bag up to his eyes and flicked it softly, making the white grains separate more easily.

“Just one,” He murmured to himself, starting to worry about somebody walking in on him as he assorted a line of the powder onto the rim of the sink, “One will be fine.”

He rolled up a scrunched up note and inhaled deeply, his nostril and throat felt like they were on fire but he never once gasped, not until every tiny crumb of the stuff had been snorted from the sink. Alex felt his eyes widen involuntarily and his chest becoming rigid as he refused to cough up and waste any of the powder.

 

He pushed his body upright and stared at himself in the mirror – save from his reddening nose, he thought he looked a lot better; his eyes had a gleam to them and that fucking shaking had stopped. He swaggered out the bathroom, feeling confident and excited, smirking at the back of Miles’ head.

“What on earth were you doing in there?” Miles had already finished half of his cheesecake, and Alex had lost his appetite.

“Nothing,” He grinned as he sat down, his eyes darting to Miles’ chest that had been left exposed by his unbuttoned shirt so quickly that he held as though they were vibrating. He licked his lips and allowed his eyes to wonder down Miles’ slim figure, the toned stomach that lay underneath the shirt so colourful that it was blurring Alex’s vision.

“Fuck dessert off, Miles,” He lent forward and squeezed the older man’s slender fingers, he felt as though his brain was melting upon touching the Scouser, “I need to get you home. Now.”

 

 

_No matter how many times he had showered, he had still felt disgusting. No matter how well he ate, his stomach still found a way of rejecting it. And no matter how much pain he was in, Alex never told Miles how much not drinking had been torturing him._

_Alex did his best to keep himself away from Miles as his body detoxed, mumbling excuses about being tired in the daytime to avoid conversations with him only to curl up in the bed they shared, wide awake and trembling with fear as sobriety became his harsh reality._

_Miles was understanding and caring, looking after Alex like he was a poorly child, but it only made him feel worse. Guilt threatened to tip Alex over the edge many times, he was forced to think about the arguments and the damage he had caused due to his drinking, and could not wash it away with his vicious cycle of wine and arguing. He could do nothing but sit alone in the study at night, his throat raw from chain smoking and crying with pain and anger at himself, praying that Miles would not wake and find him._

_It was one of these nights, when Alex was exhausted from crying but could not find it in himself to curl up in bed with his love, that he eventually snapped.  Before he knew it he was wandering the Autumn streets at 4:30am, only wearing faded jeans and a ripped T-shirt, feeling like he didn’t deserve to be warm and comfortable as he headed toward the only off license he knew to be open twenty-four hours._

_“Alex fucking Turner!”_

_Alex’s breath hitched and he froze with fear, he told himself not to be so stupid, the voice was not that of a Liverpool man and to turn around. A figure was lumbering towards him and wearing a similar attire of jeans and a shirt, his face was split into a broad grin and short-back-and-sides haircut gelled to drape slightly over his forehead._

_“Jamie!” Alex smiled, relief flushing down his body, “What the fuck are you doing here?”_

_Jamie Cook reached him and gave him a bone shattering hug, the men had not really seen each other since Alex had quit drinking, “Walking home from town! Fuck a taxi, it’s not that cold.”_

_“Jamie, it’s minus degrees,” Alex laughed; Jamie’s face was flushed and he was sweating profoundly despite the bitter weather, his eyes were wide and bleary, as though threatening to pop right out of his skull, “Are you...are you alright?” Alex frowned._

_Jamie burst out laughing, “Alright? Alright, Alex? I’m over the fucking moon!” His yell echoed around the empty streets._

_“Shh. You’ll wake somebody,” Alex rubbed his arms with his hands, the cold settling in on his skin._

_“Who cares?” Jamie was jumping up and down on the spot energetically despite the sun starting to peak up on the horizon, “What are you doing out here on your own, Al? You should have come out to town tonight, you and Miles.”_

_Alex suddenly remembered just why he was stood there freezing in his t-shirt and blushed, “Oh, I, erm, I couldn’t sleep. Thought the cold would knock me out and – are you sure you’re alright?”_

_“I’m great!” Jamie couldn’t keep his eyes on Alex, instead his eyes were darting in any direction, as though he was watching a fly buzz around him, “More than great,” He stuffed his hand into his pocket and withdrew his house keys and a small plastic bag. Alex stared slack jawed as Jamie casually dipped his key into the bag and snorted the contents off of of it._

_“What the fuck is that?”_

_“Oh,” It was like Jamie had forgotten Alex was there, “Just a bit of coke. It’s cheaper than alcohol on a night, you know?” He paused and coughed violently, “Wanna bit? You’ll feel better – you look like shit.”_

_Cheaper than alcohol. Alex wavered, he had never really dabbled with drugs, after finding everything he had ever needed and more from alcohol he had never really needed to. But now alcohol was off the table, at least if he wanted to keep Miles._

_Miles._

_What would he say to drugs? Alex could only imagine. He glanced at Jamie, the smile spread across his face and the buzz he elicited despite it being five AM and freezing. Alex missed that, feeling like that and being around that._

_“Yeah alright,” He sighed, “Just once.”_

_Miles didn’t need to know._


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALEX IS AN ASSHOLE AND I AM SORRY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna say I never expected so much positive feedback for this fic and I'm over the moon! This is the first time I have ever publicly shared any of my work and I'm so thankful that people have taken the time to read it <3
> 
> Also I'm sorry this chapter is kinda short but it's a bit of a filler until the climax :)

Miles left work that day not knowing how to feel. He trudged home, the memory of his co-worker’s look of awe when his boss he would be going to America on an international conference, how big this would be for the company, how he needed one of their strongest salesmen to accompany him.

Honestly, Miles hated his dead-end job, He had never expected himself to be cooped up in a grey square for an office calling people who didn’t want to hear from him. But – although he would never admit it – he was great at what he did and made a fair amount of money. Nevertheless, he had always envied Alex’s career as a published poet, despite it being terrible pay and very sparse work. However, when his boss had announced that Miles had been chosen to attend to conference with him, his heart dropped to his stomach but worry rather than sore with joy. 

He had thought about Alex, how well he was coming along and how much better their relationship was, and couldn’t help but feel guilty. Leaving him to face recovery on his own felt daunting to Miles, so he couldn’t help but wonder what it would do to Alex. Miles had hesitated when his boss had made the grand announcement, knowing that everybody else he worked with would have died to of been in his position right now; but had mumbled a thank you but that he would have to consult his family first, leaving everyone else in the room confused and himself slightly embarrassed.

He reached home and sighed, untightening the tie of his too plain for his liking suit and throwing his bag across the room, “Alex?”  
He frowned when he had gotten no response, knowing that Alex must be in from the fact that the door hadn’t been locked when he had entered the house or was stupid enough to leave with the door that way. He normally returned home to Alex working on his works in the study, cigarette in hand and completely absorbed by his writing, his surprised but lovely reaction to Miles returning home to have an evening with him.  
“Al?” He called again as he climbed the stairs to the landing; the study was messier than usual, paper with harsh scribbles all over them littered the floor and the ashtray had overflown onto the desk, as though Alex was having a very bad writer’s block. Miles had begun throwing the destroyed pieces of paper into a trashcan when he suddenly heard a loud, throaty cough coming from the bathroom.

He found Alex hunched over the bathroom sink, his eyes staring harshly at his own reflection and breathing heavily, not noticing Miles’ presence.  
“Alex?”  
Alex reeled around at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, “Miles!” He said too loudly.  
“Were you being sick?”  
“Oh…” Alex ran a hand through his hair, mussing up the style, “No, I was just…cleaning the bathroom.”  
Miles took a hard look at Alex’s pale face, his gaunt expression and bright eyes, his was heart pounding with fear, “Al, have you been-“  
“No!” Alex sniffed indignantly, “Of course I’ve not been…”  
“But you look so,” Miles hesitated, hating the thought of arguing for the first time in months and ruining their second honeymoon period, “You just look really…awake I guess.”  
“I had a coffee about twenty minutes ago,” Alex said to the tiled floor more than to Miles, “I…how could you accuse me of drinking, Mi?” His small frame was shaking slightly, “I’d never do that to you.”  
“I…” Miles’ felt a harsh ache in the pit of his stomach, “I’m so sorry, Al, you just seemed so shocked to see me and I thought…thought you must have been hiding something.”  
Alex sniffed again, rubbing his nose and glancing up at Miles, tears threatening to fall down his face, “Darling,” He took Miles’ face in his hands, feeling stubble rub against his skin, “There aren’t any secrets anymore, you know that,” he kissed Miles’ forehead softly, “I’m not going behind your back babe, you need to relax. I thought you trusted me.”  
“Of course I trust you!” Miles felt terrible, he stared into Alex’s watering doe like eyes and felt anger for himself hit him like a tonne of bricks. How could be so crude to assume Alex would hurt him like this? Alex loved him so much that he’d given up his demons for him, “Al, I’m so sorry, I love you and I was just worried and…”  
“It’s alright,” Alex murmured, pecking Miles’ lips, “I need to get back to work, deadlines you know.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Love you.”

With that, Alex hurried out of the bathroom and to the study, not waiting for Miles to respond, closing the door a little too hastily. He sank down against it, shaking with disbelief of the words that had just come out of his mouth. He had always been a terrible liar, to the point where if Miles had ever caught him drinking in secret he would simply throw his arms up in the air but allow Miles to scream at him. But this was different. 

Alex subconsciously fingered the little plastic bag in his pocket, stroking the grains that were contained inside it, that had been way too close. He had become careless as his cravings for the stuff had become stronger; he had started with one line a day whilst Miles was at work just to pass the time until Miles returned to him, but his body had come resistant to the high so he had upped his dosage. Was he really at a point where he couldn’t even keep track of time? Alex lit a cigarette with a shaking hand, this wasn’t good he thought to himself, not good at all.

‘You’ve not been caught’ a more sinister voice in his head reminded him as he took a long drag, ‘Miles has no fucking idea.’ Alex’s head fell to rest on his knees, he closed his eyes and remembered the fights, the screaming and sleeping on the coach, the look of pure disgust on Miles’ face whenever Alex stumbled home drunk and dependent. He sniffed again - he always had to sniff nowadays, as though he had a constant runny nose – and sat up straight. This was better. Lying was better. This was better for the both of them.


End file.
